[12 May 2005|06:28am] [ mood | aggravated ] hey guys whats up im at my buddys house and i am homeless chey i miss you and your internet is not working so i can not get on chey's rebellion which is majorly gay whatever happenend that one night my dad called you. well i got to go lot of shit going on right now later. post comment

understatement [20 Jan 2005|12:38pm] SO whats up ineed to post more but whatever so i love everything my life is wonderful and everything around me is great........................ok im lying again so fuckingsue me i wish thati could live like that but it is notgoing to hapeed so whateer i need i need idont know maybe is just want it whats a need ifit wont desroy you to not have it but what if your not sure if it will destroy you not tohave it because you never have had it before so how can you know i need to undrstand but i cant i dont think i ever will who could completely understan life and love and wanting to belong just wanting i wont not in this life. my stupid rambling is retarded and has aa verysketchy subject whenit does have a subject imdepressed because i think to hard about stuf and i thinkto hard about stuff because im depressed and i dont want to do anything else so how can i get out of this im to critical; who gives a fuck PEACE OUT BIATCHES post comment

nothing bitch [02 Jan 2005|11:04pm] [ mood | bitchy ] [ music | tsunami bombs fuck yea ] well well well so im back no knows or cares and everyone can go to hell ive had some time to think and i need to chane but never will notfor myself or anyonne else it is all going down the drain my life ly soul and all my pain leave me alone but never let me be by myself i need you i need younow and forever alone inmy heart but why does it matter im fine im just broken on the inside all alone i think of you and how we were that night no it doesnt matter anymore now that ive made everyone so damn upset a soon as weget close to love you push me away again and im just a hopeless romantic with only my heart to give but you, you have the choice to let down yor walls and finnaly let me in or then again you could crush me down and leave me alone to my lonely sins right im bored and nothing is going right and everything is all fuccked up and ill never fix it im the doctor told me im bipolar as if it was something new i made that assesement on my own and im no fucking ph.d dumass doctors think ive got post dramatic stress disorder whatever screw em he miight give me valium yeah that would be fun anyway dont worry about the shit i right im really better off alone post comment

[29 Aug 2004|12:07am] [ mood | peenis ha ha so gay ] [ music | the barney theme song ] okay guys i want to let you know i wont have a comp for atleast two weeks but if anyone needs to contact me write your # on here cuz i can check it everyonce in a while at the this place where you have to pay to get on the internet and it is expensive as hell love to everyone that posts die bitch if you dont [dont have to put your number just say hey talk to you when you get back or something} and chey if you get this be fore i call im gonna call cuz i jsut drove to palm springs yesterday and it is only like half an hou r away SWEET! aint that where you living anyway keep in touch everyone talk to you when i can ok bye! 1 comment|post comment

[23 Aug 2004|11:53pm] [ mood | fadsgdgfdg ] [ music | thrice ] well brooke still hasnt commented i dont think shes going to i cant stand this i have to go back why cant things go back to the way the y were wking up everymorning going to school and being able to atleast relax alittle never now jsut uptight and on edge all the time i miss brooke and cat and third peroid with shawn and ahawn and taylor still being inlove and i still cant believe he cheated on her and i miss logning to be accepted though i didnt really want to i miss chris and i miss ericka and stacie i miss all the preps taht we use to screw with i miss geography with chris and mary and anna at lunch and hose weird colored fries they served and chris and abby aways messing around under the talble and even that chick danielle that looked like a guerrile taht had a really big mouth kittys mum said if i could get a tick et they would come get me at the airport wouldnt that be sweeet i would love to live with cats parents and her gay brother and her dog and i think she had a cat or something anyway i just miss home post comment

[23 Aug 2004|12:38am] [ mood | WHY ME ] [ music | death rawk ] how can this be happening i hate everyone brooke wont talk to me all the comments i have made n her journal she deleted i miss her so much why is she dong ths she says she doesntwant to hurt herself so she doesnt get close to anyone but wh cant we still talk i love her and i know she still must have some feelings for me this sinot what i need right now shit my mom comes tomorow and i cant even know that i atleast have someone that i can talk to about anything any felings that i had i could tell her and now she has pushed me away this is why my formal journal have been so dark and now it has gotten worse know i dont even have any one that can m,ake me smile brooke is gone chris is gone everyone that gets close to me just as quickly is ripped away now i understand why she doesnt want to get close but i need her write now brooke if your reading this then talk to me please make me understand please shit brooke you dont know how hard it was to say goodbye once please dont make me do it again shit brooke i ope your fucking happy ok im cryin right now i havent criedsince i ucking moved and before that i cant even remember the last time i cried i miss you why wont you talk to me huh why did you even talk to me that last day at yeates ou could have not told me i would have gone on never knowing keep your fucking pain to yourself stop torchering others because ou shoose to hide behind your pain you probably know now i didnt live the happy life that you thoughti had ok ive been through as much pain as you but mine was worse see you have always had leineint parents and if you didnt you can get away with things see i cant get away with shit and my parentsare controlling beyond belief but that isnt the ehing you had that i didnt see brooke you had real friends not alotbut all anyone really needs is one thats what i never had my slosest friends constantly turned there back on me bet you didnt know that did ou i have never trusted a person once in my lif enot really you may say i lie aot but that there is the reason i have never trusted chris no t stacie not ericka not you and now i cant even have someone that i want to trust see i wanted to get closer to you like you said you did to me but shit what can i do now shit this isnt fair i havent gotten lucky once never in my life did i get a break i never won anything that meant anything to yeah academic shit well i dont need some stupid piece of paper to tell me im smarter then everyone around me if im that smart dont you thind i could figure tht out on my own not once have i gotten s lucky break or something good happen wheni wasnt expecting it until that last day of school all i had to look forward to were my goodbies and then you started talking to me something i had never seen cming you finnly told me you had liked me all year and then you asked me that since iwas leaving if you could have one kiss and i have remembered that since hte day i left i called you when i got home and we talked untl the last second when your arents pulled ip in the driveway and i half expected it to last well now the pattern of my life has shown up stuck with untrustable friends parents sisters even you i can talk to my dog but what does that help shit my dog doesnt even ike me that much and he cant talk to me or comfort me he cant make me feel better when im depressed make me smile when i cry damn it whydont you see brooke i dont have any one but you dont leave me alone in this life because you know the world around me is dark aand with out you i haveno light if anyone other than th person it was intended for read this entry than please forget about it im not worth your time and i really dont want to talk with anyone but her right now commment if you want but i wont see them with the same hope that i have read others in i may get over it i may not but i have to made that decision on my own "," - 4 comments|post comment

[22 Aug 2004|12:52am] [ mood | drunk in pub-liK ] [ music | ron white drunk in pub-liK [them there rednecks sure is fnE ] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CHEY THANK YOU SO MUCH!mmmmkay everyone chey is awesome i met her last night and she did my journal for me isnt it so god damnsexy we have common love through blink so she made that for mei have decided my old friends can all go to hell comment to be added and if you just met me or havent yet it doesnt matter if you want to be friend comment and if you were m closest friend and you dont comment oh well i guess we are not that close im tired of people treating me like shit and im gonna stop it aleast i hope i can i have problems with asertion [is that a word im not sure} anyway im not cool enough to make things so i dont have one of those fancy banners thatpeople wth talent like my new friend chey can make and im not sure i even now how to make it journal private but i will atleast try> ohh i was so excited i forgot to tell you guys i went paintballing tonight it was so awesome but this one like former secret service or something kinda gu with this REALLY nice gun shot me like a thousand times god it hurt he got me one time like piont blank almost on my nipple and its like three times the size it was before and it HURTS hope that doesnt offend anyone i kinda dont care if you have problem with something like that can kinda see where your comin from bt you need to groww up i had a whole bunch of really hot chicks getting dresed like literally in the next room actually i saw a little stuff a couple of times but i really didnt care its not that of a deal i dont know why most guys flip out over stuff like that oh well so its a tit if got em too ut mine are like smaller and made of muscle and shit> if you had a problem reading any of the above comment you should tell me when if you comment or not comment mmmday i think that is it ohh and if anyone thinks that i rambled on through most of that yeah pretty much but so what im bored its my journal i can do what i want...............im rambling agon huh damn it i need something to do so bored and by the way i love chey she is AWESOME I LOVE MY NEW JOURNAL IT WAS ALL PLAIN AND WHITE BEFORE NOW IT IS SPECIAL oops half of that wasnt supposed to be capitalized but it happened soo ohh well shit happens right "im so excited" has anyone seen cat and the hat the movie ohh mike myers is wonderful ilove how he says " im soo excited " it is sweet mmmmmmmmmmmsweet piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie i like pie comment if you like pie orr eat poo and die ha that ryhems i like to write in ryhme ok srry i wrote all that crap ill get off now before i can start talking without a point again and remember comment if you like pie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!pie lovers unite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 comments|post comment

[18 Aug 2004|09:00pm] [ mood | naked in the street ] how do you know if love is true and why do people calling missing your house home sickness i know what homesick really means i have it everday its getting sick everytime you walk through those damn doors and looking in to the face of the godam dictators called parents ICP put it very well "do you love because you love or because you have to he i probably love my family more than any one else but my homies are family too third cousins get outta here" any one else agree im not home yet but i have literally been sick for the last weeek since i found out my parents were going to be here in a week or so god i hate them and i cant stand how people will never comment in my journal then get mad at me when i dont comment in theres knowing damn well they dont even read mine god it pisses me off hardcore i love nofx and chris bouchard and brooke parker and well my dog and laura nelson in a whole diffrent waymore like a twin sister though she is awesome you know she actually pays attention to what i am saying brooke never would cuz she wouldnt get close to me which i still dont understand and chris was always either too high or around other people and when hes around other people he gets well i dont know diffrent he must quite smoking i miss mary and patrick and and well shit i even miss yeates because that was the only damn place that i ever got to see anyone DID I MENTION I HATE MY PARENTS DAMN CONTRLOLING UPTIGHT OPIONIONIZED AROGANT POMPOUS ASS-HOLES AND I HATE MY SISTER TOO SHE IS JUS FLAT OUT A BIG FAT BIATCH! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR..........grrrrrrr....grr.wait im feeling better my hapiness is rising ....rising still coming .............ahhhhhh ilove porn hahaha so gay hardcore this is what happens when you becomea pathetic loser who has.........count 'em...........zero friends i just want someone who i can depend on someone who will hold and you wonder why my strength runs out i support so many other people it seemed like eveyday i had to hold and comfort and be strong for every one would lean on me and i became stronger and stronger until i just completely had no feelings i lived in other people lives how ever someone else needed me to feel thats how i was and now i have nothing to be for i have no one to hold up i can hold everyone at once every one bt one person and that is me what happened why me i just wantto be normal i dont care what it takes i want to hate my parentsand have no reason other than the fact that i am a teenager wouldnt that be something actually have someone else to lean on ha thats a laugh not me i'll move somewhere new i'll adjust and adapt and change when needed and i will keep holding others up continueing to stumble through life blind weak and ignorant on the one thing that matters what it is like to be loved i will always be the one that is used again and again and jsut as many times forgotten and no one cares cuz no one knows doesnt that have some irony in it maybe just a little ha why is it that i cry everytime i think of brooke because i know she might hurt herself instead oftinking about how she makes me smile when im with her and why do i getnervous everytime i think of chris nad wonder what kind of drugs he did today instead of remembering how he could always make me feel better with out ever asking me what was bothering me he jsut knew somehow when i needed someone to make me laugh i just want to GO HOME WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH THAT HUH HUH WHATS THE PROBLEM WHY CANT I JUST HAVE SOME SIBLANCE OF A NORMAL CHILDHOOD well how can i say that when i dont even know what normal is everyone has problems but mine seem to hurt so bad well im gonna talk to patty for a while and no one will cuz no reads my journa ohh well night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 8-( 4 comments|post comment

[11 Aug 2004|07:36am] [ mood | like the deepest shade ofblack ] [ music | casualties ] i want to die i cant believe this shit i hate my mother any one who gives a rats ass about me will atleast attemt to contact me but i doubt it considering no one does give a shit about well im gonna go now and think about death some more so go to hell 2 comments|post comment

Nothing [19 Jul 2004|09:13pm] [ mood | i feel like bunnies in heat ] [ music | muse ] hello sorry i havent been posting but ive been sick and injured and all kinds o shit i went to some water world place it was pretty weak but i still had fun you know me there were half naded girls every where of course i had fun then i wwent to the metro center in pheonix and there is a skate park INSIDE AND THEY RENTED OUT BOARDS oh it was awesome ii got to drop in for the first time and i found out that i can ollie higher than most pros only like muuka danny way and some other little punk could get higher than m e yeah i win even tough i suck balls at skateing especially after not being abl to skate fo the past two months well i got to go i dont feel very good and its latee so peace post comment

go to hell [13 Jul 2004|09:42pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | nirvana- why do you give a shit what im listenin to ] ifeel like death i feel like pain if this gets any worse i might go insane why is it that thi seems to be the only option worthy of me i know i wont do it i dont have the balls maybe i can just stumble in front of a large set of steps and fall into the void that is my life maybe i will though im holding aknife bt what if it hurts and i black ot from the pain but then i wake up into breath shattering rain in such unbearable unquenchable heartsptopping pain i dont want to live i dont want to die ill just si here in my little ball and cry and here i am protected from the pain and the rain and driving myself insane because i can go into the comfort of my own reality plane post comment

[03 Jul 2004|09:32pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | anything by casualties ] deathmustbbettr hello beautiful people tomorrow i have a lot to do: go to indian reserve {its kinda cool but mostly because my grandma likes it} go to my uncles cook out go to forth party MEET JEN AND SAM AT THE MOONWALK AT THE PARTY THING[i met two girls that are in a correctional facility for dysfunctional girls at this crawdad festival a few weeks ago they are the only people here that i can talk to that wont get me into drugs}i am soooooo happy i cant wait to see them again and on monday i get to do community service oh joy! whatever its not that bad but i dont get paid and that kinda blows but i already got me a deck and all i needs now is trucks bearings risers and hardware{which are all going to be bam parts so ill have the bam black label graphic complete just sold in five parts} well i guess i had better comment on my new discovery down the street i found a completely furbished abandoned house that even has a generator apparently both of the occupants are recently deceased and this place is a skaters dream spot a bench ledges galore and a huge free spot with some of the smoothest concrete ive ever seen i havent skated it yet since my deck is still being built but i have a feeling alot of my firsts are going to be landed at this beautiful spot well punx and posers alike happy death to you all and to all a bad night   post comment

[30 Jun 2004|11:37pm] [ mood | disappointed ] [ music | anything i like ] 1 post comment

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